About 2 weeks ago I found out that my ex has a new girlfriend. The consequent emotions and thoughts that resulted from this discovery were surprising and unexpected.
As I've mentioned in previous entries, I was the one who left the relationship. Many would assume, since I was the one who left, "moving forward" would have been simple for me. But it hasn't been. Leaving my marriage and splitting from my ex has been traumatic, to say the least.
I didn't have the build-up of years of unhappiness that many others may have in their marriage before deciding to split. Even though we were together for 7 years, ours was a short-lived marital union. I know deep in my gut that I made the right decision. My ex would never have changed. He would have continued to treat me with disrespect. He would have continued to be verbally abusive. It's very possible, and also quite likely, he would have behaved that way towards any children we could have had. I would have been unhappy for as long as we stayed married. What we had was not enough.
Even with this knowledge and understanding, when I found out he had moved on with someone else, it hit me fucking hard. I felt sad for the loss of our marriage. I felt heart-break, for the loss of what I expected my life to be. I felt anger that he had chosen to move on (quickly in my mind) to a committed relationship with someone else, instead of ever truly fighting for us. I felt anger over who he had chosen to move on with. These emotions stayed with me for awhile. I had to work through this.
Now that I've had time to process everything, I understand that this is part of the process of divorce. The initial feelings of shock, sadness and anger have to precede the eventual acceptance that will enter your heart and mind. Acceptance that your ex will move on and seek out love with someone else. Acceptance that your life is much different than you had ever expected for yourself. Acceptance that your life will move forward and you have to move forward with it.
In no way do I promise that I will be all yoda and exude ultimate self-control and inner-peace if I ever see my ex with his new girlfriend; however, I accept how life has unfolded and I welcome the future. I am moving forward instead of getting stuck.
If you find out about your ex and their new love, be sad, be angry, be hurt, but don't get stuck. Work through those negative emotions and keep moving forward.
Founder of the site Divorced at 30, Alexandra is a blogger who is passionate about speaking her truth. She is on a healing journey as she enters this new chapter in her life. A mental health advocate, she is passionate about motivating others to find “the light” and attain peace.