When we split, I didn't just lose my marriage, my house, friends, family, all my money, my anticipated future, and my husband, I also lost my best friend. This has been the hardest reality to face.
It's actually come up in therapy a lot, how much I miss my friendship with him. I don't feel the loss as much as I used to earlier on in the separation, but sometimes it creeps up.
I don't claim this lightly, the whole "best friends" title. Everyone is best friends with their spouse. That is territory that comes with being married; however, we truly were best friends, with or without marriage. I honestly believe we would have been best friends without all the relationship and marriage stuff.
We were together for 7 years, but knew each other for 10. We met when we were both 19. We had a relationship through some of the most formative years of our lives. We traveled together. We lived together for 4 years, with no distractions. We supported each other through university and first jobs. We didn't have children or any other serious obligations. We just had each other. And we had so much fun. That man could make me laugh like no other. He truly was my best friend.
Walking away from my marriage also meant saying goodbye to my best friend. My therapist has asked if I could somehow salvage the friendship because I've missed it so much, but I know this isn't possible.
Even though it's been almost two years, I'm still making peace with the reality of losing a best friend. It's been a hard loss to grieve.
However, to be cliche, life is full of surprises. New people enter your life all the time, who bring with them the opportunity of new friendship. As my sister said, "there will be an amazing man in your future who will love you more than you ever imagined, and who will be your best friend. You have no idea what is ahead."
And even if my future doesn't include that wonderful man, I have amazing people in my life and best friends who I love. They are my joy and happiness. They are also my future, and I just need to keep moving toward that. With time, I will make peace with my past.
For anyone dealing with this loss, I am sending you only peace and light.
Founder of the site Divorced at 30, Alexandra is a blogger who is passionate about speaking her truth. She is on a healing journey as she enters this new chapter in her life. A mental health advocate, she is passionate about motivating others to find “the light” and attain peace.