The loneliness is suffocating, isn't it? I can see the sadness in your eyes and the darkness you feel. The trauma and loss you experienced and the pain you feel has left you with scars that are still healing.
One of the consequences is insufferable loneliness.
But trust me, you aren't alone. At the very least, there is me. Another person in this world who has suffered from, and continues to have, episodes of crippling loneliness. I know this does not make your suffering less, but for me, suffering appreciates company. I hope there is a small comfort for you knowing that I am over here, a fellow soul who has been victimized by loneliness.
I have written about shame before and how it thrives off secrecy. Loneliness is very similar. The more you isolate yourself and safeguard your loneliness from others, the lonelier you become. However, when I go through episodes of loneliness, the last thing I want to do is invite anyone into my dark reality. I feel embaressed that I feel so lonely, especially when I have a loving family and supportive friends. But still, I can feel so totally alone.
Sometimes I feel isolated because I feel like no one truly understands what I am going through and what I experienced. I feel my family and friends have no idea what it is like to be 31 and going through a divorce. I believe they don't understand what it feels like to have your husband (and best friend) call you names, make it very clear what "is wrong with you," make you feel like you are walking on eggshells, and make you question if you deserve to even be here. That's when loneliness strikes; when I feel like others just don't understand my experience. I feel like the loneliest person on the planet during these times.
Realistically, no one will ever understand where you have been and what you have experienced. People can sympathize, but no one truly comprehends what you have been through and what you are going through. You have experienced, and are continuing to walk through, hell. No one will ever get that, ever. Only you know your story. Loneliness will continue to come and will continue to haunt; however, if you allow people in, there may be those that surprise you in their degree of support and understanding. You may even find you are not as alone as you assumed you were.
Even if there is no one in your life that helps you feel less lonely, I am here. I blog so that you don't feel so alone. The words I type exist to hopefully destroy the loneliness that haunts you.
I cannot take away your pain and loneliness, but I am here.
You are not alone.
Founder of the site Divorced at 30, Alexandra is a blogger who is passionate about speaking her truth. She is on a healing journey as she enters this new chapter in her life. A mental health advocate, she is passionate about motivating others to find “the light” and attain peace.